She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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