Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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