Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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