Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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