people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
