That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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