oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
