i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize