I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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