I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
