new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
