Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
