I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize