Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
