i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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