During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
