so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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