I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
