david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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