I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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