I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
