I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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