There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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