Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
