She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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