Is it because I queefed?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize