Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
where are my eyebrows?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
