Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
