every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
