if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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