Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
