Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
