Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
