I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
