so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
