I'm so fucking centered right now
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
