Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
