is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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