well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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