yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
