The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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