I showed him my bush... on skype.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
