The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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