He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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