I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
