I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
