Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
