and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
