Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
