dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm getting married
To pizza
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
