I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had sex on a roof
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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