Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
