two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
