Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
