the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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