I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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