Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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