he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
