she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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