We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
