He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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