Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
