how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
40s are totally the cure
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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