love makes seman taste better
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
