I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
