so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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