i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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