glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
