38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
