and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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