You made me cry and you don't even care
What did we do last night that was yellow?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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