You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
