She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
