You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
