Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
