I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
