I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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