maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
