guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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