The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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