After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
