I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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