A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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