so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
