I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
