I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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