either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
