At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
