Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize