They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
