I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
