My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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