you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
