hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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