I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
