this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize