Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
