would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As shirtless as possible
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
