he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
