yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
