I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
