New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
