No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
