now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
