have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize